Okay, so...

I moved.

http://bailiegrossman.tumblr.com/

Oh I know, it goes on, it gets old

But for now we're young, we smell good, we're alone

The Naked And Famous - Young Blood from The Naked And Famous on Vimeo.

Well, my friend showed me this a week or so ago.... I fell in love with it for several obvious reasons.

The bittersweet between my teeth

Trying to find the in-betweens

Fall back in love eventually

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Just makes me feel so darn good.

____________________

Oscillate is not the word- it just keeps running through my head.

.....So maybe it's the title..

[to vary between differing beliefs, opinions, conditions, etc. : "He oscillates between elation and despair.]

Sure. Oscillate.

I turned 18. Though it felt like SUCH a long day, when it was over I noticed it really just came and went. And that- selfish or not- I didn't want it to be gone. I only wished I could've truly grasped how much people loved me.

I wanted to feel alive. Whatever that means. I resorted to swimming with my friends in the dark around 1 am. I wanted to float on my back, let the water fill my eardrums, and search the sky for shooting stars. I imagined all of us doing that in unison. It was beautiful, but wasn't fitting. Instead we made up names for silly jumps into the pool and cracked each other up. Talked about lucid dreaming and things much more trivial.

I laid with her underneath the hot shower outside. Legs up, on our backs, facing the stars. Smooth, young, shimmering bodies full of unknown potential. Full of pure love. For one another and countless others- some yet to cross our path. I told her that if I could only wrap words around [it].. then [it] would be heartbreakingly beautiful. Though it would never be documented anywhere other than a place few eyes would ever find.

I needed to wrap words around it. It's long, but needed to be made immortal through a pen onto paper. Strictly because I may not have realized it until after, but I have never meant something so much in my life. Immortality is the runt of what it ultimately deserves.

I came inside and spent 3 hours on a kitchen floor. Writing a little story for her, myself, whoever else on some other day. Documenting what deserves much more potential than some two-dimensional has-been tree.

Oh, gracious... ME TOO!!! The first TWO times I watched it..

For several reasons, I needed her to bring this up.

Passion is something you really don't miss after it has cooled. It is like looking at an empty bottle on the side of the road and thinking, "Boy, I wish I had a Coke." The loves you miss are the ones that go away when they are still warm, even hot, to the touch.

Though I'm not sure whether it makes me feel better or worse.

Justified- definitely. I know the difference between things I've let go of that were frozen or boiling or comfortably warm. I know what I miss with an ache, don't quite miss at all, and why I feel the way I do about any of it.. even if I can't wrap a sentence around the origin of the feeling. Some things move you so deeply that words couldn't even begin to do it justice. But fear easily triumphs over one-sided justification when change is out of one's control.

Hearts have a way of revealing themselves even when their owner has other, more solidified, plans.

Patience

She is hereeee annnnd nowwww-

No matter what any song is truly about- I literally always think it's about MY issues. Even when I know very well it's about something a whole lot more stale or profound. Making it all about me is my way of coping, I suppose.

Consider me spoiled.

I really did just have a fine little day today. It was cute and full. Work was good. Friends were better. My heart felt oddly warm. Really the only downer was that Sonny's was "out of lemons."

Though no matter how warm or cold the day, the same thoughts roll over and over and over in my head. All. Day. Long. To the point that I look up towards heaven and shrug my shoulders with a little chuckle. Hoping He'll understand that I'm sorry for taking up so much time with this... and that I know I'm trivial. And that if You want me to quit it.. to chill the heck out.. then please, I'm game with that.

And then I reaffirm my steady, straight-forward stare and begin the same thought process over again.

It's pathetic, I know. And as of now, I can't help myself. So I'll sing those songs at the top of my lungs. Convincing myself that they were tailor made by someone's heart that's just like mine, for me, at this very moment.

Even if it's about a band breaking up.. It's just my song, okay. & I love it.

http://www.myspace.com/fun/music/albums/aim-and-ignite-13539498

(Listen to this entire album. It's my life. More importantly, it's VERY good.)