that I live like a hermit in my own head.
But when the sun shines again,
I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in."
-Marching Bands of Manhattan, by Death Cab for Cutie
A little while ago, I realized that I've been thinking about my life[why I'm here, how I got here, and how weird it is that I am here] more than I've been actually living in it. Sometimes I spend so much time thinking my life away and it passes me by. Even after countless chances to get back into it, I still watch from some other perspective. The simplest way to explain this sticky situation is that sometimes, I suppose, I can't fully accept where I am.. I'm not sure why that thought so often engulfs me, but I do know that it's hard bondage to break free from. Finally, I caught myself and decided that I was no longer going to think on my life so intricately and extensively. I was on a roll, but lately I've slipped up.
I caught myself today at lunch with my boyfriend and his family. When I get in this state, I can't even hold a normal conversation; I completely live in my thoughts. Those little moments that make life so sweet and precious are sitting right in front of me and I'm just looking them.
I crave life and everything that comes alongside it-good or bad. Each situation is a beautiful opportunity and blessing. I crave the feeling of actually living. In real life. I've been out of this bond and I know what it's like to be free, and that is all I want. All that I write about. All that I THINK about- the freedom of living. I just need to be trained how to do it right so I can keep consistent. Always. Everywhere.
In every situation, be ALL there.
Today, I start new. And I begin by jumping on my trampoline in the gorgeous weather.
I begin by living.
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