Sunday, May 9, 2010

It seems that all my bridges have been burned, but you say that's exactly how this grace thing works.

Today my grandma gave me like, four HUGE photo albums for me to go through because I needed some pictures of my little self. I went through each and every one.. not failing to recognize how terrible the photographer was because about 90% of them were 20 feet away and slightly blurry. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that when I reached the second to last page of the last album, I noticed that I have never changed.. Well, I don't wear my bikini all day everyday, but that's about it. My arms are flailed, my face is scrunched, my smile is fake and exaggerated, I had put golf balls in my bathing suit top, I'm doing some ridiculously curled pose 'cause I'm trying to be cute or something. Haven't changed.

A little update:
I graduate in less than a month. ( AHHHHHH!!!)
I'm moving out in July with two of my best friends. Here's a sample of just how cute it'll be:
... And we have a floral print couch that I'll get to come home to every day!

I have a job! And a fun one at that. It really just fits for right now.

With school wrapping up and July gaining on me, I've subconsciously begun to value and cherish things much, much more. Such as.. Up until recently I've constantly been "go go go" and never home, but now I just want to be home all the time and be in my bed every night cause I can't bring it with me due to spacing issues. (That saddens me more than anything, really.) And I can really see it in my step-dad, too. He loves me a little more that usual. He's gonna miss me and all my wild antics. And how I always miss curfew and spill everything in the kitchen and rarely clean my car.

I guess I haven't fully grasped that with all my changes this summer, other people will be changing a bit too. Rumor has it that nearly everyone is moving. By "nearly everyone" I mean a few people that I really hold dear. It's safe to say that I don't like to think about it often.. hurts my heart. When it runs across my mind I have to shoot a little prayer out and remind myself that there is a highway and that we all know how to drive. Comfort myself in trying to genuinely understand that it's not the end of the world- Because it's not. It's the beginning of a new, better chapter.

All these things seem petty, really. Just the beginning of my entering the "real world" phase. Actually, I'm just graduating high school and this is literally just the very beginning of my life. I can't even imagine how soon it'll be when I look back on all this documentation and giggle a little at my naivety. We only view these kinds of things as such a big deal because it's all so new and unknown. And we're so vulnerable and finite. Life continues to go on.. and will continue to get better, and better I'm sure of it. That's one thing I've finally managed to grab ahold of.

I've finally let my tunnel vision and lack of acceptance for hope, peace, whole joy, and patience go.

It's about time. :)

1 comment:

  1. I just found your blog through googling some lyrics (weird!) and love it. I really like your about me section too. I feel you with the burning of bridges...don't even get me started. haha