Monday, March 15, 2010

Ides of March

(I think about it all year.. I may as well title something with it. Oh, & happy birthday to one of my dearest friends!)

It's that time in my life where everyone keeps asking me what I'm going to do with myself. Wonder how long it'll last...

-community college. not sure how long. english major. it's the only thing I can tolerate going to school for.

-what, do you wanna be a teacher?

-I don't know what I wanna be. I don't really "fit" right into something, but I'm sure I'll fall into my niche along the way..

-Yeah you'd be a good teacher.
.. or something like that. I usually get an opinion on my choice of subject, or sometimes they choose to relate to my method instead of the study. Always ends with a hopeful smile and a goodluck-pat on the shoulder.

....(no. the thought of talking all day makes me want to gag. and i don't like those hours.)

Right now I have out-of-place acid reflux right at the top-back of my throat, waiting for a phone call that I don't even know if I want to answer now that I'm waiting on it, I'm kind of trembling, my hair is only half blowdried, and I'm just trying to be bolder than usual.
u g h

If I've learned anything this past year it's that I get a lot more nervous than I thought I did. To put it kindly.
& I'm starting to misuse those commonly misused words.. ...why? I keep wondering if that's a sign that I'm losing my mind or something. (doubtful) Or maybe I'm just looking to label anything a sign... like some unspoken need to categorize or attach myself to something, anything, and let it define me. Perhaps that'd make it easier to describe myself, my reasoning, my motives.

Clear communication.
The right words.
.. gold in settings of silver ..

This is all I'm looking for, and all I'm attempting to offer.
Push & pull, man. Let's work.

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